Bitcoin Custody Reference for Spouse

Spouse Reference Guide for Ongoing Awareness

This memo is published by CustodyStress, an independent Bitcoin custody stress test that produces reference documents for individuals, families, and professionals.

Purpose of Living Reference

Much bitcoin documentation focuses on what happens at death. A bitcoin custody reference for spouse serves a different purpose: enabling ongoing awareness during life. Rather than instructions that activate when something happens to the holder, this reference helps a spouse understand the current setup while the holder is alive, healthy, and available to answer questions.

Living reference documentation differs from inheritance documentation. The holder can clarify, update, and discuss the reference. Questions can be asked and answered. Misunderstandings can be corrected. This interactive context shapes what the reference needs to contain and how it should be written.

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Purpose of Living Reference

A spouse who understands the current custody setup during life has advantages that a spouse learning only at death does not. Living reference creates shared understanding rather than knowledge transfer under pressure.

Gradual learning replaces crisis absorption. A spouse who reviews custody documentation periodically develops familiarity over time. Concepts that would be overwhelming during estate settlement become manageable when absorbed gradually during normal life.

Questions can be asked while answers are available. Confused by something in the documentation? Ask the holder. This interactive clarification is impossible after death. Living reference leverages the holder's availability to ensure understanding.

Errors can be caught before they matter. If the spouse notices something wrong, outdated, or confusing in the reference, the holder can correct it. Documentation errors discovered during life are fixable; errors discovered at death are permanent.

Shared understanding distributes capability. When both spouses understand the custody setup, neither is solely responsible. Either can act if needed. This redundancy provides resilience that single-person knowledge does not.

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Content Appropriate for Living Reference

Living reference documentation can include information that inheritance documentation might omit or handle differently. The interactive context and ongoing nature of living reference shape content choices.

Current state description explains what exists now. What bitcoin is held? What custody arrangements are in place? What is the general structure? This overview gives the spouse a mental model of the setup without necessarily including every sensitive detail.

Location awareness communicates where things are stored. The spouse knowing that the seed phrase is in the home safe differs from the spouse having the combination. Location awareness creates findability without granting immediate access.

Conceptual understanding builds foundation. What is a seed phrase? What is a hardware wallet? How does bitcoin custody work generally? Living reference can teach concepts that inheritance documentation assumes or explains hastily.

Change notification processes keep the spouse informed. When the holder modifies the custody setup, how does the reference get updated? How does the spouse learn about changes? Living reference includes maintenance mechanisms that keep information current.

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What Living Reference May Exclude

Living reference need not include everything. Some information may be better held separately, shared only at specific times, or communicated through other mechanisms.

Full access credentials may live elsewhere. The reference can note that credentials exist and where to find them if needed without including the actual seed phrase or passphrase in the reference document itself. This separation maintains security while enabling awareness.

Detailed procedures may await the right moment. Step-by-step recovery instructions matter when recovery is needed. During normal life, understanding that recovery is possible may suffice without working through detailed procedures. Living reference can describe capability without documenting every step.

Contingency plans for various scenarios may be better documented separately. The living reference addresses current state; separate documentation may address what happens under various future scenarios. Keeping current-state reference distinct from contingency planning prevents document sprawl.

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Maintaining Living Reference

Living reference requires maintenance that death-triggered documentation does not. Because the reference describes current state, changes to that state require corresponding updates.

Custody changes trigger documentation updates. When the holder changes wallets, adjusts security, modifies backup arrangements, or otherwise alters the setup, the reference needs updating. The reference that accurately described the setup last year may no longer accurately describe it today.

Review schedules maintain accuracy. Periodic review—perhaps annually—confirms that the reference matches reality. Scheduled reviews catch drift that might otherwise accumulate unnoticed between specific change events.

Version control prevents confusion. Which version of the reference is current? How are old versions handled? Simple version control—dates, version numbers, or single-location storage—prevents the spouse from following outdated information.

Spouse involvement in updates reinforces understanding. Including the spouse in update processes—showing what changed and why—deepens their understanding beyond simply reading updated text. Active participation builds knowledge that passive reading does not.

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Security Considerations

Living reference documentation creates security considerations that balance awareness against exposure risk. The document exists during the holder's life, when other threats apply.

Document storage affects exposure risk. Where does the living reference live? Who can access it? Physical security for a paper document and digital security for an electronic document both matter. The reference should be accessible to the spouse but not to others.

Information sensitivity varies by element. Some information in the reference may be more sensitive than other information. The fact that bitcoin exists is less sensitive than the seed phrase. Reference design can separate sensitivity levels while keeping the document useful.

Relationship stability affects disclosure appropriateness. A reference shared with a spouse assumes the marriage remains stable. Relationship changes—separation, divorce, conflict—may change what disclosure is appropriate. Living reference created during good times may become problematic during bad times.

Child and visitor access to household documents creates exposure. A reference accessible to the spouse may be accessible to others in the household. Teenagers, household help, or visitors may encounter documents left accessible. Where and how the reference is stored affects who else might see it.

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Conversation Versus Document

Living reference can exist as documentation, ongoing conversation, or both. The relationship between written reference and verbal communication shapes how understanding develops.

Written reference provides stability. Documents do not forget. They can be consulted repeatedly. They maintain consistency that memory does not. Written reference anchors understanding in a form that persists.

Conversation provides depth. Discussing custody allows questions, clarifications, and context that documents cannot provide. Conversation builds understanding in ways that reading alone does not. Interactive communication fills gaps that static documents leave.

Combined approaches leverage both. A written reference that is discussed periodically combines documentation stability with conversational depth. Neither alone accomplishes what both together can. Most living reference works best as documented information supplemented by ongoing discussion.

The holder's communication style affects approach. Some holders naturally discuss finances with their spouse; others do not. Some spouses want detailed understanding; others prefer minimal involvement. The reference approach that works depends on the specific people involved, not just abstract best practices.

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Spouse Capability Development

Living reference can include capability development—not just awareness of what exists, but ability to interact with the custody setup when appropriate.

Observation opportunities build familiarity. A spouse who watches the holder access bitcoin occasionally becomes familiar with the process even without performing it themselves. Observing creates comfort that pure documentation cannot.

Practice with guidance develops skill. If appropriate, the spouse might practice certain operations—checking balances, navigating software—while the holder supervises. This hands-on experience builds capability beyond conceptual understanding.

Graduated capability matches comfort level. Some spouses want full capability; others want minimal involvement. Living reference can accommodate different capability goals—basic awareness for some, operational capability for others—based on what the spouse actually wants.

Capability assessment informs inheritance planning. Through living reference engagement, the holder learns what the spouse can actually do. This information informs whether inheritance documentation needs to be more detailed, whether the spouse will need help, or whether different arrangements might serve better.

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Transition to Inheritance Context

Living reference and inheritance documentation connect but serve different purposes. Understanding how they relate clarifies what each should contain.

Living reference builds foundation for inheritance. A spouse who has engaged with living reference approaches inheritance documentation with existing understanding. Concepts are familiar. Structure is known. Inheritance documentation can build on this foundation rather than starting from zero.

Different documents may serve different phases. The living reference for normal times differs from the inheritance documentation for after death. Separate documents with different purposes may work better than one document trying to serve both contexts.

Pointer from living reference to inheritance documentation connects them. The living reference might note that inheritance-specific instructions exist and where to find them. This connection ensures the spouse knows more detailed documentation awaits when relevant.

Updates to one should trigger review of the other. When living reference updates, does inheritance documentation still align? When inheritance plans change, does living reference reflect those changes? Coordination between documents maintains consistency across both.

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Outcome

A bitcoin custody reference for spouse enables ongoing awareness during life rather than crisis-triggered knowledge transfer at death. Living reference leverages the holder's availability for questions, error correction, and gradual learning that death forecloses.

Appropriate content includes current state description, location awareness, conceptual understanding, and change notification processes. Full access credentials and detailed recovery procedures may live in separate documentation. Maintenance requirements—triggered by custody changes and periodic review—keep living reference accurate.

Security considerations balance awareness against exposure risk. Conversation supplements written documentation, building understanding through interactive discussion. Spouse capability development may accompany awareness, depending on what the spouse wants. Living reference connects to but differs from inheritance documentation, building foundation that inheritance planning can assume.

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System Context

Examining Bitcoin Custody Under Stress

Instruction Trust Failure in Custody

Bitcoin Heir Documentation Usability Gaps

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